Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
should my penis look like a turkey
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
