Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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