her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
