i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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