i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Randomize
