Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
