If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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