May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
