I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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