Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
