so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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