Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
