I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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