i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize