Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
