Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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