I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
