I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize