Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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