Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
