Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
