I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i love accidental penises.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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