oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
