I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
