Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
