You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
