Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize