just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
