If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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