God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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