sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
