Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
