yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
