Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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