Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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