I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
