And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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