do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
