Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
