Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
