dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
