if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
All the doctor said was why
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
