How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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