Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm too high and old for this...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
