We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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