I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
