He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
