If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
And then my night got REAL pukey
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
