Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
