we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
