I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
it's like heaven, but drunker
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
