ya dads aren't the best wingmen
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
