come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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