Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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