i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
