yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Dignity is for republicans.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
