I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
