OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
