Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize