I think my vagina is haunted
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Those nachos came to me in a dream
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
