In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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