Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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