if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
