youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
