Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
