in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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