This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
