I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
