you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
