Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
