he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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