Pappa wants mamma naked
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
