Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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