aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
