Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
