So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
