I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
