I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
