I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
