I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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