i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
