I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
