nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
