I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
She made me pour olive oil on her.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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