O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
