I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
